


at best, you find a little remedy (at worst the world will sing along)

by theskythatwontfall



Series: songfics [2]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst, Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, Fluff, Found Family, Friendship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, JatP Week 2020, Julie Molina-centric, Songfic, Third Person POV, see notes for more info, the juke isnt at all the focus and it's more like a brief mention than anything, they're not even explicitly together in this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:55:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27352333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theskythatwontfall/pseuds/theskythatwontfall
Summary: Sometimes Julie doesn't have the words or music to express herself; lucky for her, there's a whole world of music out there for her to help.Or:the five times Julie sang for those she loves, and the one time she sang for herself.For JatP Week Day 1: favourite character POV
Relationships: Alex & Flynn & Julie Molina & Luke Patterson & Reggie, Alex & Julie Molina & Luke Patterson & Reggie, Carlos Molina & Julie Molina, Carlos Molina & Julie Molina & Ray Molina, Flynn & Julie Molina, Julie Molina & Julie Molina's Mother, Julie Molina & Ray Molina, Julie Molina & Rose Molina, Kinda - Relationship, implied Julie Molina/Luke Patterson
Series: songfics [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1742641
Comments: 5
Kudos: 68





	at best, you find a little remedy (at worst the world will sing along)

**Author's Note:**

> hi guys! just a heads up, the first part of this fic will be set during julie's mom's funeral so if you aren't comfortable with reading it feel free to skip over to the second part. (who i hc to be rose bc it's basically all but explicitly said right?) 
> 
> all the songs used will be listed in the end notes!!

_ i. for rose. _

Julie’s only fifteen but she knows deep down it’s time for her to perform her swansong.

She sniffles, wiping her sweaty palms on her black dress as she accepts her dad’s arm and walks up to the piano at the front of the church. She looks steadfast at the ground below her, not daring to look at the casket decorated with dahlias. She can’t stomach looking at her mother all cold and pale and  _ empty _ . Not when she is,  _ no, was and fuck that hurts _ , the liveliest person in any room, always warm and bright and full of love. 

There’s nothing left of her mother in the casket.

Her dad kisses her cheek and hugs her, whispering a soft  _ ‘te amo’ _ , against her temple before he moves to take his seat. She thinks she says it back, but her world has shrunk to just the piano in front of her. The shining ivory and glossy black mocking her trembling hands as she reaches to rest her hands on the keys. 

She looks up finally, searching the crowd of funeral attendees to find her family, drawing strength from the watery smiles they give her from the front row. 

She clears her throat, and speaks, “My mom is the one who introduced me to music, and I wouldn’t be where I am today without her. I...I know it was hard for her in the end, no matter how strong she was for me, for our family and how strong we were for her… I guess sometimes, love isn’t enough. I hope you’re feeling better Mami, I hope you’re singing with the angels right now, I love you so much and thank you for the music, it’s been everything to me. This song isn’t one I wrote, but it feels like everything I want to say right now. I hope you’re listening.”

Julie closes her eyes and gathers every last shred of confidence and love and strength she has, breathing deep and letting the opening chords ring out. It’s something slow and bittersweet, and she pictures her mom’s encouragement as she sings the first lines.

_ I fought for you _

_ The hardest, it made me the strongest _

_ So tell me your secrets _

_ I just can't stand to see you leaving _

The tears start almost immediately, not just for her, but she can see Tía Victoria muffling her sobs with a handkerchief, her dad holding Carlos close as her baby brother hides his face in Ray’s shirt and Flynn openly letting the tears fall.

Despite seeing everyone else break down around her, Julie persists, fighting her grief to get out every last note and chord, to make sure the song is a proper sendoff not just for her mom, but also for her music. 

_ But Heaven couldn't wait for you _

_ No, Heaven couldn't wait for you _

_ Heaven couldn't wait for you _

_ No, Heaven couldn't wait for you _

_ So go on, go home _

Her voice cracks on the last line of the chorus as she continues, mind racing with memories of dressing up in her mom’s old clothes from her  _ Rose and the Petal Pushers _ days, performing choreographed routines with Carrie and Flynn, blasting 90’s rock classics loud and proud in the car, belting out the lyrics on road trips in the summer. 

_ We laughed at the darkness _

_ So scared that we lost it _

_ We stood on the ceilings _

_ You showed me love was all you needed _

Julie remembers when her mom first told her and Carlos about the fact that she was sick, and how she kissed their cheeks and told them not to be afraid, that all they needed was to be strong, and believe in love and hope. That the darkness was only temporary, that they’d be in the light again. 

Julie can’t remember the last time she felt the warmth of the sunlight on her skin. 

_ Heaven couldn't wait for you _

_ Heaven couldn't wait for you _

_ Oh, Heaven couldn't wait for you _

_ No, Heaven couldn't wait for you, you, you, you, you, you _

_ No Heaven couldn't wait for _

_ Heaven couldn't wait for you _

_ No _

_ Heaven couldn't wait for you _

_ Oh oh, Heaven couldn't wait for you _

_ So go on, go home _

_ So go on go home _

Her tears threaten to choke her, but she fights through it, raising her voice through the shower of tears to sing for her mother to go and find peace, every lyric a prayer on her lips for her mother to be happy, and also to seek forgiveness for leaving music behind. She feels the inexplicable thrumming in her soul that she always connected to music fading as if the song saps every last drop of music from her heart as she lets the last notes ring out through the church.

There’s the sad sort of bittersweet applause you get at a funeral, soft and weak and interrupted by sounds of grief, and Julie makes her way back to her seat, stopping at the casket to press a kiss to her mom’s forehead, whispering, “I love you mom, and I’m so sorry, but this is goodbye.”

Julie’s music is dead and gone, never to wake up again. 

_ ii. for ray. _

It’s official, Ray Molina is the best dad ever. 

Not only is he 100% supportive of Julie’s music, and Carlos’ baseball (and ghost hunting), he also surprisingly cool with the fact that his daughter is in a ghost band. Well, to borrow Flynn’s logic, three ghosts are in  _ her _ band, but that’s just semantics. 

Julie had to explain everything when the morning after the Orpheum show, he walked into the studio to find the supposed hologram members of the band and her jumping around with their arms around one another, still riding the high of not just playing the Orpheum, but being able to stay together. 

It took a while for them to explain everything from the night the boys died to their performance last night, but once they’d finished explaining it all, her dad simply sat for a moment, seemed to process everything, and then introduced himself to the boys, thanking them for bringing music back to Julie. 

It was a sight to behold, to watch how the Luke and Alex stiffened up, nervously shaking his hand with several ‘sir’s and ‘Mr Molina”s thrown in, while Reggie was practically vibrating with excitement, nearly tackling him in a hug and rambling rapidly about how excited he was that they could finally have conversations that weren’t one-sided. Her dad could only shrug and hug the poor boy back, smiling as Reggie melted into it, and she met her dad’s eyes and knew they’d be alright.

Since then, her dad has become like a dad to all of Julie’s boys, always ready to help calm Alex down from his anxiety attacks, be vocal about his support for Luke’s songwriting (and he also shoots her unsubtle pointed looks in moments when her crush on him is particularly obvious), and involving Reggie around the house when the boy poofs in to help with cooking or chores, or simply just talk about photography. 

Seeing how amazing her dad has been for them all, Julie can’t help but want to show her appreciation somehow, and the boys want in on it too. She would usually turn to writing but whenever she tries to get the words out, she falters, and no matter if she’s doing it on her own or with Luke or Flynn, nothing works. Dismayed, she turns to her friends for advice, when Alex comes up with a simple solution. 

“Why don’t you just perform a cover for him? Maybe you can’t find the right words, but someone else might have already done it so we can just play that song for him instead?” he offers, twirling a drumstick in his hands. 

“That’s a great idea, Alex! Jules, there’s bound to be a song that comes close to what we wanna say, so why not look for one?” Flynn cries out, high fiving Alex.

“Actually that’s a pretty great idea! I’m sure there’s  _ something _ in my Spotify that’ll work for us,” Julie says, opening her laptop and bringing up her Spotify library, scrolling through songs with the others peering over her shoulders.

Suggestions get tossed around here and there but nothing seems to really work, when Julie scrolls over to see a song that, while not necessarily the most  _ accurate _ , still carries the spirit of the message and is also a song her dad loves, one she remembers him dancing with her mom to in the kitchen on Sundays.

She smirks and turns to Reggie, eyebrow raised, “Hey Reggie, you got that banjo lying around anywhere?”

He smiles wide and excited, while Luke and Alex look at her confused, and somewhat scared of the gleam in her eyes. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  


It’s a lot of secretly rushing to perfect their arrangement of the song when her dad’s not home, Carlos acting as lookout, and some clever backing instruments on GarageBand by Flynn to truly polish their rendition of the song, but once it’s ready, they invite Ray out to the studio one Sunday afternoon.

He steps into the studio, slight confusion on his face as she ushers him into a prime audience spot, Carlos right next to him. 

“What’s all this about, niña?” he asks, concern evident on his face. 

“Well, you’ve been so great about my music and the band and the guys and just,  _ everything _ really, so we wanted to play this song for you as a thank you to show our appreciation,” Julie says, bashfully scratching at the nape of her neck.

She relaxes when she sees her dad break out into a small, fond, smile, smiling back before turning to Flynn to start the backing track. She clicks play on the laptop, and joins in with her trumpet, harmonising perfectly with the other instruments as the rest of them clap out a beat before Alex takes over. She sees the exact moment it clicks for her dad what song they’re playing and he laughs, shaking his head fondly as he taps his foot to the beat.

_ Came into this world _

_ Daddy's little girl _

_ And daddy made a soldier out of me _

_ Oh, oh, oh _

_ Daddy made me dance _

_ And daddy held my hand _

_ And daddy liked his whisky with his tea _

Julie dances a little, grooving along to Reggie’s banjo (he absolutely  _ kills _ it) and Luke’s steel-string guitar, tapping along to the beat of Alex’s drums, jumping around and dancing with Flynn like they’re on stage instead of in the studio. She grins at her dad, who’s swaying with Carlos to the music. 

_ And we rode motorcycles _

_ Blackjack, classic vinyl _

_ Tough girl is what I had to be _

_ He said take care of your mother _

_ Watch out for your brother _

_ That’s when daddy looked at me _

Ray chuckles at the lyric change, clapping along to the beat, and Julie’s reminded of when he’d tell her about how he grew up listening to a lot of country music as a child, especially at his grandparents’ house, where the neighbours would always be playing it, how he’d be running around dancing with his cousins to the sound of banjos and fiddles til his legs hurt. 

_ With his gun and his head held high, he told me not to cry _

_ Oh, my daddy said shoot _

_ Oh, my daddy said shoot _

_ With his right hand on his rifle, he swore it on the Bible _

_ My daddy said shoot _

_ Oh, my daddy said shoot _

_ He held me in his arms and he taught me to be strong _

_ He told me when he's gone, "Here's what you do _

_ When trouble comes to town and men like me come around" _

_ Oh, my daddy said shoot _

_ Oh, my daddy said shoot _

_ Oh, oh, oh _

_ Oh, oh, oh _

Ray cheers as she and Reggie sing the chorus with Luke backing them up, Flynn going wild with the trumpet solos, whooping extra loud when Julie nails the runs and high notes. As the chorus hits it’s stride he gets up and joins them, dancing along with Carlos, and her heart warms as he twirls her around the way he used to do to her mom.

_ Daddy made me fight, it wasn't always right _

_ But he said, "Girl, it's your second amendment" _

_ Oh, oh, oh _

_ He always played it cool, but daddy was no fool _

_ And right before he died he said, "Remember..." _

_ Oh, oh, oh _

Julie walks over to sing with Luke for the verse, getting lost in his eyes for a moment while they sing, smiling at each other as they lose themselves in the song for a moment and her heart stutters a little. 

_ He said take care of your mother _

_ Watch out for your brother _

_ And that's when daddy looked at me _

Luke shifts away from the mic for Reggie to take his place, Julie singing the pre-chorus with Reggie, his voice surprisingly natural on the country track, getting a surprised yet appreciative cheer from her dad who claps him on the shoulder as they jam out.

They switch over to an improvised instrumental breakdown, leaving enough time to show off each instrument, all accompanied by her vocalising and scatting away to the melodies her friends play, matching them note for note, and having so much fun playing around with the harmonies that she makes with the trumpet and banjo, underscored by the steady beat of the drums and the guitar chords. She cries out a couple of gritty “woah woah woah”s as she leads the band to the final chorus, music reaching an ultimate crescendo. 

_ My daddy warned me about men like you _

_ He said, "Baby girl, he's playing you, he's playing you" _

_ My daddy warned me about men like you _

_ He said, "Baby girl, he's playing you, he's playing you _

_ (He's playing you) _

_ 'Cause when trouble comes in town and men like me come around" _

_ Oh, my daddy said shoot _

_ Oh, my daddy said shoot _

_ "Cause when trouble comes to town and men like me come around" _

_ Oh, my daddy said shoot _

_ Oh, my daddy said shoot _

As they slay the chorus, Julie sees the same light in her dad’s eyes she saw when he used to dance with her mom on Sunday afternoons just like this, the light that’s been missing for a while now, and she knows they’ve made him happy and shown him how much they appreciate him. 

The song ends to enthusiastic applause from their two-person audience, and Julie giggles as her dad brings her in for a hug, before beckoning the rest of them to join in. 

In the warm afternoon light of a Sunday, surrounded by all his kids (biological or otherwise), Julie brings the light of music back to her father.

_ iii. for carlos. _

It’s not often Julie sees her brother so lost and down. 

Carlos has always been the one to bring joy even when things were bleak, always the one to joke and laugh and play pranks; the sunshine in the middle of the rainstorm. He'd made her smile on her worst days and looking at him all quiet and subdued; his light dim.

Julie’s heart aches to see him so small, and so she resolves to cheer him up the best way she can–with an impromptu dance party. 

Searching her playlists for her usual dance party jams, she connects her phone to the living room speakers and presses play, hairbrush mic already in hand. 

_ Hey brother! There's an endless road to rediscover _

_ Hey sister! Know the water's sweet but blood is thicker _

_ Oh, if the sky comes falling down, for you _

_ There's nothing in this world I wouldn't do _

Carlos cracks a smile at her exaggerated dance moves, and funny expressions as she sings loudly to the song, putting on a fake almost-southern accent as she shimmies to the beat.

_ Hey brother! Do you still believe in one another? _

_ Hey sister! Do you still believe in love? I wonder _

_ Oh, if the sky comes falling down, for you _

_ There's nothing in this world I wouldn't do _

Julie makes a gesture at Carlos, like reeling in a fish and he giggles, as he jumps closer to her in time with her tugs of the ‘fishing rod’, before joining in with his own crazy dance moves and facial expressions. 

_ What if I'm far from home? _

_ Oh, brother, I will hear you call _

_ What if I lose it all? _

_ Oh, sister, I will help you out _

_ Oh, if the sky comes falling down, for you _

_ There's nothing in this world I wouldn't do _

As the chorus hits, they jump up and down like they’re at a music festival, sing-screaming the lyrics as they point at each other every time they hear the word ‘you’ being sung, and all Julie can think of is all the dance parties they’ve had together, rocking out to everything from pop to rap to rock, goofing off without a care in the world. 

_ Hey brother! There's an endless road to rediscover _

_ Hey sister! Do you still believe in love? I wonder _

_ Oh, if the sky comes falling down, for you _

_ There's nothing in this world I wouldn't do _

There’s a tell-tale  _ whoosh _ before their dance party is ambushed by three ghost boys, who look at Julie as she and Carlos jump around to the song for a moment, before shrugging and joining in with the random dancing, and Julie feels so content to be here with all her boys; just vibing to music and having a good time. 

_ What if I'm far from home? _

_ Oh, brother, I will hear you call _

_ What if I lose it all? _

_ Oh, sister, I will help you out _

_ Oh, if the sky comes falling down, for you _

_ There's nothing in this world I wouldn't do _

As the last chorus hits, Alex crouches down and gestures for Carlos to climb on his shoulders, and she smiles as Luke and Reggie help him get comfortable on top of Alex before they continue dancing. Carlos never lets go of Reggie’s or Luke’s hands as they make sure he’s safe, Alex holding his shins tightly as the boys surround her for the rest of the song, singing along off-key and out of tune, but no one cares as they end up hugging and jumping in a circle, not unlike that first group hug after the Orpheum show.

As the playlist switches over to the next song, Julie catches Carlos’ eye, and he smiles and nods his thanks, blowing her a kiss. 

She catches Carlos’ sunshine kiss, keeping it in her pocket, close to her heart. 

_ iv. for flynn. _

If you searched up ‘ride or die’ on the Internet, you’d probably get a picture of Flynn, because loyalty is the very essence of her friendship with Julie.

Through dealing with schoolyard bullies and first crushes, pre-performance anxiety and their falling out with Carrie, through Flynn losing her grandfather and Julie losing her mom, they’ve always stuck by one another. 

They’ve been best friends since the first sparkly friendship bracelet painstakingly made during arts and crafts sessions in music camp since Double Trouble was just covers of Top 40 hits and Disney songs since they reached for the same music note sticker decorated cubby in kindergarten. 

Julie always is tuned in to Flynn’s moods, so when she notices Flynn’s feeling down around the time that teachers start bringing up college applications (and really, they’re only sophomores, do they need to start choosing so early?), she wants to help reassure her. 

As is her usual practice, she wants to sing for her, but well,  _ Flying Solo _ doesn’t have the right lyrics she needs, no, she needs something more along the lines of…  _ Oh, she’s got it! _

She steers Flynn in the direction of the studio as soon as they reach Julie’s place, frowning when she doesn’t really put up a fight to being basically manhandled into the piano bench next to Julie.

Without much fanfare, she plays the opening chords to one of their favourite songs, one that was a Double Trouble standard way back when. 

_ We are, friends for life _

_ Hold that, deep inside _

_ Let this, be a drive _

_ To survive _

_ And just stand, high and tall _

_ Make sure you give your all _

_ And if you ever fall _

_ Know that I'm right here _

Flynn looks at her, eyes bright with unshed tears, as she realises what’s happening, leaning her head on Julie’s with a sniffle, and Julie just looks right at her as she sings, pressing a kiss to her head between lines.

_ We'll always be together, don't you worry _

_ I'll always be by your side, don't you worry _

_ The circle will never end, just know that we'll meet again _

_ And we'll always be together, forever always _

_ I am here _

She sings the chorus loud and clear, pouring all her belief and love into every word, not wanting Flynn to think for even a moment she doesn’t believe what she’s singing, as earnest as when they were learning the words with the help of YouTube lyric videos. 

_ Find me, in the sky _

_ Dancing with the moon and night _

_ Your heartbeat is disguised as my lullaby _

_ Be happy, and know that I'm _

_ Watching you travel far and wide _

_ Waiting for us to meet again, oh _

Surprising her, Flynn sits up and sings the second verse, looking right at Julie, and in that moment, both girls know in their hearts that they’re gonna be alright. They always will be–they’re  _ Julie&Flynn _ , Double Trouble, the best of friends.

_ We'll always be together, don't you worry _

_ I'll always be by your side, don't you worry _

_ The circle will never end, just know that we'll meet again _

_ And we'll always be together, forever always _

_ I am here _

They duet the chorus, harmonising with ease, riffing off of each other with the kind of natural grace only performers who’ve been singing together for years can achieve, sweet melodies filling the studio.

_ If you need me, yeah _

_ I'm in the wind, look for me friend _

_ I'm in the stars when you need me _

_ The heavens will send a message within _

_ Straight to your heart, ooh _

Julie lets her notes ring out, tilting her head back as she lets the music and emotion carry her through the bridge of the song, before coming back to meet Flynn’s harmonies like she always does.

_ We'll always be together, don't you worry, don't you worry _

_ I'll always be by your side, don't you worry _

_ The circle will never end, just know that we'll meet again _

_ And we'll always be together, forever always _

_ I am here, I am here, I am here _

The last chorus is turned into something more anthemic as Julie breaks the chords up into a driving rhythm, Flynn not missing a beat as the piano fades out, and it’s just the voices of two girls; two hearts, forever in sync.

They lunge for each other, hugging so tight as they almost fall to the floor, Julie reassuring Flynn that nothing could break them apart no matter what, and Flynn smiles, holding tight to her anchor.

As they discuss college and the future and the band, Julie knows nothing will come between them; no force great enough to drive apart the binary stars of their hearts.

_v. for her phantoms._

No words could express the bond she has with her boys.

They’re not just her friends and bandmates, they’re the ones who helped give her the confidence to do music again, they’re the ones who write songs with her, who gave her a second chance.

No, they’re more like family.

Reggie and Alex are like brothers to her, with all their teasing and protectiveness and the same playful banter only siblings have. Luke on the other hand, is so much  _ more _ than that, he does tease and banter with her, and he definitely has a protective streak, but he also looks at her like she’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen like she’s something so precious and wonderful and it makes her heart race.

It’s the part of the weekend practice session when they’re just hanging around with instruments in hand, not quite taking a break, but not quite playing either, that the idea hits her. 

She clears her throat and plays a little flourish on the piano, getting their attention as she starts the song, watching the boys’ faces light up as they realise what she’s doing, recognising the song as one Julie had been listening to a lot these past few weeks. 

_ Where do I belong _

_ Tell me your story and I'll tell you mine _

_ I'm all ears, take your time, we've got all night _

_ Show me the rivers crossed, the mountains scaled _

_ Show me who made you walk all the way here _

Reggie huffs a laugh, smile crooked as Julie remembers when they’d all slept cuddled together on a pile of blankets and pillows in the studio one night, talking about everything in their lives that lead them to the band; to each other. She recalls Reggie’s stories about running away from a house with no love to seek refuge in a studio that was more home than any other place.

_ Ooh _

_ Settle down, put your bags down _

_ Ooh _

_ You're alright now _

Alex gives her a rueful smile, as she sings the lines to him, both remembering how he’d been anxious to come out to her, ready to poof away to somewhere else at the smallest sign of anything other than acceptance. She remembers reassuring him, making sure he knew he was loved and accepted, that he didn’t need to go anywhere; that he could  _ stay _ .

_ We don't need to be related to relate _

_ We don't need to share genes or a surname _

_ You are, you are _

_ My chosen, chosen family _

_ So what if we don't look the same? _

_ We been going through the same thing _

_ Yeah, you are, you are _

_ My chosen, chosen family _

She sings the chorus with all the love she has for them, for the electric feeling she gets on stage with them, for the warmth of their hugs after a show, for the muffled laughter in the back of her classroom, for the way she feels so safe with them.

_ Hand me a pen and I'll rewrite the pain _

_ When you're ready, we'll turn the page together _

_ Open a bottle, it's time we celebrate _

_ Who you were, who you are _

_ We're one and the same _

She looks right at Luke as she sings the second verse, trying to convey through the song everything she wants to say, she doesn’t think he  _ quite _ gets it, but he’s looking at her in the way that makes her cheeks warm and her breath catch, and it’s enough for now.

_ We don't need to be related to relate _

_ We don't need to share genes or a surname _

_ You are, you are _

_ My chosen, chosen family _

_ So what if we don't look the same? _

_ We been going through the same thing _

_ Yeah, you are, you are _

_ My chosen, chosen family _

She recalls all the times they’ve been there for her, telling her stupid jokes and making her laugh when she’s feeling down, holding her when she’s not feeling well, cheering with her when they book big gigs and crying with her when it gets too much and the nightmare of losing them feels too real, and she knows they’re hers forever.

_ I chose you _

_ You chose me _

_ I chose (chosen family) _

_ I chose you _

_ You chose me _

_ We're alright now _

Julie softens her voice and her gaze as she looks at her boys, smiling at their fruitless efforts to stop their tears from falling, as she lets her own tears fall freely.

_ We don't need to be related to relate _

_ We don't need to share genes or a surname _

_ You are, you are _

_ My chosen, chosen family _

_ So what if we don't look the same? _

_ We been going through the same thing _

_ Yeah, you are, you are _

_ My chosen, chosen family _

She repeats the chorus three times, once for each of them, looking at each of them in turn as she sings, earning herself a wink from Reggie, laugh from Alex, and a smile and nose-scrunch from Luke. The song ends, and they swarm her with hugs and kisses all over her face, and she laughs as the kisses are pressed to her forehead and cheek and nose and eyelids, soaking up the attention from her boys, as they all brush away each others’ tears. 

Julie never wants to be anywhere else but here, in this moment, with the ones she loves. 

_ \+ i. for herself. _

It’s been a long time since Julie gave herself some self-love via song.

Between starting a ghost band and high school homework, she hadn’t really had time for a good old’ self-serenade, and she missed it.

As she made her way down to the studio, she mentally ran through everyone’s plans for the day, before realising she’d be home alone for the afternoon; Carlos at baseball practice with Luke and Reggie watching him, her dad having an afternoon shoot, Alex stealing away for a date with his skater ghost boyfriend, and Flynn working on a project for English.

She hums under her breath as she debates playing the piano or not, deciding to simply go a capella, clapping out a beat with her hands.

_ Remember when you'd sing, just for the fuck of it _

_ Any joy it would bring _

_ Honey, the look of it was as sweet as the sound _

_ Your head tilt back, your funny mouth to the clouds _

_ I couldn't hope to know that song _

_ And all its words wouldn't claim to feel the same _

_ We felt as the first time it was heard _

_ I couldn't name that feeling carried in that voice _

_ Was it that or just the act of making noise that brought you joy? _

She let her voice go, trusting the lyrics and melody in her head to guide her through the tune, not caring about anything but making music with her voice, swaying a little to loosen up.

_ You don't have to sing it right _

_ Who could call you wrong? _

_ You put your emptiness to melody _

_ Your awful heart to song _

_ You don't have to sing it nice, but honey sing it strong _

_ At best, you find a little remedy, at worst the world will sing along _

Laughter interrupts the song as Julie lets her heart run free, revelling in that thrumming in her soul, cherishing the feeling of music in her blood once more.

_ So honey sing, and sing, and sing, and sing, and sing, and sing, and sing _

_ Sing, and sing, and sing, and sing, and sing, sing _

Her voice turns playful here, as she experiments with her vocal range, testing out her lowest and highest registers, adding a punk rock growl here, a soul/r&b run there, or throwing in a bit of scale and arpeggio work to fine-tune her techniques. The tune wasn’t entirely accurate but she enjoyed the challenge of it all.

_ Remember when you'd sing _

_ Before we moved to it and we'd scuff up our shoes _

_ Honey, the groove of it was whatever you choose _

_ I want to be your lover or the fishermen's blues _

Julie dances in the studio to the sound of her own voice, no real choreography or dance moves, just her vibing and letting the music move her like she used to do when listening to an album or song she’d been anticipating for the first time, simply allowing the song to direct her. 

_ You didn't always sing it right _

_ But who could call you wrong? _

_ You put your emptiness to melody _

_ Your awful heart to song _

_ You don't have to sing it nice, but honey sing it strong _

_ At best, you find a little remedy, at worst the world will sing along _

She pictures herself on a stage, making a mic with her fist as she continues, imagining a crowd singing with her and the phantom connection of an audience and a performer, pretending she’s got a sold-out crowd at Madison Square Garden screaming lyrics to her. 

_ So honey sing, and sing, and sing, and sing, and sing, and sing, and sing _

_ Sing, and sing, and sing, and sing, and sing, and sing, sing _

Julie tries to sing as close the original harmonies as possible, keeping within her vocal range as she mentally compares her voice to the sheet music she can visualise in her head, pumping her fist as she hits the notes just right. 

_ Who could ask to be unbroken or be brave again? _

_ Or honey hope even on this side of the grave again? _

_ And who could ask it to be sound or to feel saved again? _

_ Or stick around until you hear that music play again _

She stands still for the bridge, eyes closed, head tilted to the roof as she lets her voice carry, uncaring of who hears her. 

_ So honey sing, and sing, and sing, and sing, and sing, and sing, and sing _

_ Sing, and sing, and sing, and sing, and sing, and sing, sing _

_ So honey sing, and sing, and sing, and sing, and sing, and sing, and sing _

_ Sing, and sing, and sing, and sing, and sing, and sing, sing (For the love of it) _

_ Sing, and sing, and sing, and sing, and sing, and sing, and sing (For the love of it) _

She follows the song’s instructions and sings, improvising and vocalising to make it sound like gospel, like something she’d hear in a church, something that’s stirring and rousing, uplifting and hopeful. 

_ Remember when you'd sing, just for the love of it _

_ Any joy it would bring _

Julie goes quiet as she sings the last lines, seeing every instance she’s ever sang flitting through her mind like a montage on fast forward, and she breathes heavily, riding the endorphin rush as she reaches for her songwriting book.

There’s a song humming in the corners of her mind, lyrics peeking through her fingertips, and it’s all she can do to pick up a pen and write her heart out.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! hope you enjoyed!! comments are basically writing fuel so please comment away if you like it! hit me up on my jatp sideblog @edgeofsunset for jatp content, and @biconicfinn for star wars/shadowhunters/everything else!!<3
> 
> songs used:  
> heaven - beyoncé  
> daddy lessons (ft. the chicks) - beyoncé  
> hey brother - avicii  
> always be together - little mix  
> chosen family - rina sawayama  
> to noise making (sing) - hozier


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